you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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