We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This is the high leading the old right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
