**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
