What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize