You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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