I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
