He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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