ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
