dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
