brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
