Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
