This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He shit in the fireplace
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
