you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize