this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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