just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
