I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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