im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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