Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
