If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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