My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize