I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
