I got chris browned last night
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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