Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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