i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
