The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
