capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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