On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize