haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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