Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
