I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
