He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Welp...herpes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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