I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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