THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize