seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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