evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
