So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
