I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've blown a few things in my day
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
