two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
