Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
