WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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