Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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