That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
