She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
