how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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