Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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