He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
