How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
