You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
