I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
