The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
