I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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