i permit you to call me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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