It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
