you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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