I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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