Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
