Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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