boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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