nutella sex= disaster
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
