I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i now understand why vodka
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
