summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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