I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
