sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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