Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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