3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
