they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize