i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
