I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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