its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
