I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
