booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
