You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
