We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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