Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
