he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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