dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
