well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
