She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
