BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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