I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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