I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize