With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
