I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
