her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
