your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
