Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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