my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
