I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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