No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
