My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
