You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
