She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
