ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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