I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
