dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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