My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
