If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
