Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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