Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
