I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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