how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
